US Machines (USM) is a medium sized business based in Wisconsin, USA .

They recently decided to upgrade their entire ERP system.

Here is what happened:

USM CIO: ‘So, team, first up we have our incumbent supplier, HRC Software who have been looking after our system for many years. Good to see you. Hi Larry.’

HRC: ‘Hillary’

USM CIO: ‘Oh, well, as you know we greatly value the effort you’ve put in to our company over the years, but our current system is end of life, our share price has tanked, we need to compete internationally and frankly, we think you’ve been less than transparent about the cost overruns. In addition, we were a little concerned about some of our inventory data ending up on HRC’s servers.

‘So, why do you think we should keep the current HRC software and just upgrade it?’

HRC: ‘Well, we have 30 years’ experience in ERP, we’re a company that is a recognised employer of choice with diversity programs, health care and values that focus on customer satisfaction’

USM CIO: ‘Yes, but what’s in it for us?’

HRC: ‘Here’s a 96 page report outlining all our software updates, improvements and efficiencies as well as our training program. Also attached is a copy of the 15 page Operational Improvement Manifesto we gave your production team’

USM CIO: ‘Well, they mentioned that it seemed complex, probably a justification for status quo and that previous updates hadn’t delivered on its promises.’

HRC: ‘But, did they read page 74 that highlights how positive this is? Anyway, we are committed to a partnership, working strongly together to help you manage your business’

USM CIO: ‘Thanks for your time, Larry’

Kate: (from Reception) ‘Donald from DJT Software is here to see you. I hope his software is better than the comment he just made about my top’

USM CIO: ‘Well, I think it’s a lovely top, Kate…sure…let him in.’

DJT:  ‘You guys are losers, the company you chose to run your ERP is ripping you off and we’re going to make your software great again’

USM CIO: ‘Sounds good…how will you do that exactly?’

DJT: ‘We’re going to re-negotiate the bad deal you have with your suppliers, you’re going to start winning deals again, it will be huge. Just throw out that crooked system and we will make it beautiful, trust me’

USM CIO: ‘But, with respect, Donald you haven’t managed ERP systems before and our background check told us you’ve been bankrupt before’.

DJT: ‘I have saved our clients millions, billions of dollars, only I know how to fix bad ERP systems and you will save 35% on your bottom line every year, I guarantee it.’

USM CIO: ‘Thanks for your time, Donald.’

DJT: ‘Quite frankly, what have you got to lose?’

USM Boardroom

USM CIO: ‘You know what really hits me here; we’re a mid-sized business with regular people trying to get by in the world. HRC has way more experience but the complexity and the expectations they have of us to make this work are just too much. DJT have never done this before but he’s very confident he can make this happen and I think he’s going to do all the hard work and we can just get on with our day to day lives’.

Picks up phone.

Hey Larry….you’re fired’.


Elliot Epstein is a leading Sales Expert, Pitch Consultant, Keynote Speaker, and Corporate Trainer who gets sales results rapidly. He has coached and trained high profile corporates globally in presenting, selling, negotiating and pitching. He has spoken at over 1500 conferences and workshops for leading companies such as HP, SEEK, EMC, Hitachi , Computershare, Lend Lease and Asciano.

He is also the author of #1 International Best Seller ‘ Confessions of a Pitch Consultant’ available on Amazon.

This article first appeared in Linkedin Pulse.